October 22, 2014

You Have Time

Recently I bought a book for a friend and myself to read called, "The Best Yes" by author Lysa TerKeurst. I heard her preach in a podcast that I listen to and thought she did a great job of conveying God's word through every day life experiences/difficulties as a woman. I then was speaking with my friend about life situations we were going through and thought Lysa's book definitely spoke to us both as we are trying to navigate through marriage, life, family, and faith. 

"The Best Yes" is a book that helps women realize the weight of their decisions and how we often forget that it's OKAY to say no to many things so that later you can say YES to the things that need your time the most. I am the worst person at saying No. Part of my personality is that I want to please people and sometimes take it so far that I forget that I am saying Yes for that person and not for myself. It's not a bad thing, being there for people and helping is a wonderful trait to have until you become so overwhelmed that you can no longer function as a normal person. 

In the first Chapter Lysa speaks about time. There are 168 hours a week and 24 hours in a day that we devote to family, work, church, friends, chores, hobbies, etc. Then there is that list of "Wants" that we never quite get around to. You know... our list, New Years resolutions, things we want to accomplish. 

My List: 

Go running 3-5 times a week
Travel to Hawaii & Europe
Go to see P!nk in Concert
Make new friends
Go on a Mission Trip
Coach my future child's soccer team

These are all things on my list that may happen over the spand of my life but many of those things on my list could happen now and I simply choose to waste my time filling it with other crap. To really see where my time was going I took Lysa's "You Have Time" Quiz.

http://thebestyes.com/time-assessment-tool

Here are my results:




My weeks mainly consist of Work and Sleeping. 
Work = 40 hrs per week on average
Sleep= 8 hrs a day x 7 = 56 hrs 

72.3% or 96 hrs a week goes towards two things that I have to do. I need sleep and I need to work for money. 

Where does the other left over time go? Eating, Church, Family, Errands, Personal Hygiene, and "other". 

As you can see in the bar graph on most all days I only use around 20.25 hours out of a 24 hour day. Which amounts to 141.75 hours a week out of a total of 168 hours.

I waste 3.75 hours every day. 
Which leads to 26.25 hours a week.
Which is around 116 hours a month. 
And 1,376.75 hours a year!

Where does it go? I know exactly where it goes. 

TV time. Social Media. Here Blogging. But really if I'm being honest... mainly TV. 

Does TV fulfill me? No, but I enjoy it. 

Monday: Big Bang Theory
Tuesday: Intervention
Wednesday: Stalker
Thursday: Project Runway
Friday: Whatever chick flick is on 

But... LBH here. (Let's Be Honest) 

These TV shows that I enjoy watching or that I look forward to are 30 minutes to 1 hour long. I could still manage to accomplish watching them and still have time left over for other things. The rest of my time goes to TV that I don't even enjoy or look forward to seeing, it's just on and I'm tired so I watch. 

I've realized with this exercise that "I Have Time". 

I can plan better meals to eat at home to make cooking fun again. I can absolutely use that time to work out a few days a week. I can plan more house projects that I will actually put aside the time to do. That sewing machine I have can get dusted off. 


  
I am excited to continuing reading along so that I may grow and become better at saying No to the things that aren't My Best Yes.

I encourage you to take the less than 5 minute Time assessment Tool over at TheBestYes.com to see how much time you have to devote to the things you would like to get out of life.

http://thebestyes.com/time-assessment-tool

I would love to hear your results and maybe some of the things you would like to accomplish with the "extra" time that you have left over during the days/weeks.  


October 20, 2014

Wedding Bells & Birthday Cake

It’s been almost a month since my brother got married and I haven’t posted any photos! These are a few of many favorite from the lot of hundreds! Family photos and of course dancing photos! Us “Shubra” girls know how to have a good time… and I must say my handsome husband does too.

FamilyPhotosWeddingDance

Well Folks, on Saturday I turned 29 years young. I say that but what I am really thinking is I am getting old. Not OLD… but older than I’m ready for. Twenty-nine has hit me hard, especially after the wedding last month. I watched my sisters dancing and hitting the bar after the wedding and thought… “Shit, they are in the FUN twenties! (24 to be exact) and I’m in the almost THIRTY crowd.” Not that it’s a bad thing I just feel like with my job when I say I’m in my twenties I’m still “relatable” to my teen students, thirty puts me in the mom category for some of these kiddos. It’s just change… I know Thirty is going to hit me like a sledge hammer so I will enjoy this last year in my twenties and will continue to enjoy the fact that people at church call me young lady and kid. 

Although family wasn’t around, I was able to spend my birthday around my work colleagues and 48 fifteen year olds on a college visit weekend to Sioux City, IA. On Friday night they got an ice cream cake and sang me Happy Birthday and on Saturday we spent the morning at an Apple Orchard where “Tina the Llama wouldn’t eat her Food”.

078LamaBDay

October 13, 2014

Hope, Love, and Healing After a Miscarriage

Proverbs 31:25

 “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”

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You can read Part One, Part Two, and Part III here.

It’s been two months and 8 days since the loss of my first pregnancy. My body, heart, and soul continues down the path of healing. At first I was numb. The complete shock of no longer being pregnant just didn’t make sense. I believe that there are events in our lives such as this one that cause us to make a choice in how we choose to heal. As I said in my first post, When life gave me lemons I turned to God. That night in the hospital I felt God’s love for me, and knew that I was not alone. Since that day {G} and I have attended church on Sundays. I truly find comfort in hearing scripture and often feel as though the pastor is speaking directly to my heart. I will never know why I was in the ratio of woman that suffers from a miscarriage but I have learned from talking about it that there are more of us than we think.

During the past two months I have reflected on my thought process prior to having a miscarriage and what it is now. I believe that some of these thoughts may be helpful for both sides; those who have miscarried and those who have not.

First thought:

I will never again ask an adult, When are you going to start your family.”

It’s a very personal question. On one side, you are basically asking the person when they are going to stop using birth control to conceive a child. On the other side, you are presuming that they haven’t started trying when maybe they have. I use to ask people all of the time and have learned, if they would like to share that with you they will, if not, stop asking.

Second thought:

When you are in conversation don’t bring up age, kids, and getting too old in the same sentence. This is also true when person A is speaking to person B about a person C. Whether it is a direct statement about the person your talking to or an indirect statement it hurts to hear once again that the clock is ticking.

This can also go for people who haven’t miscarried that want kids but haven’t found a spouse yet. Lets stop fixating on everyone else and worry about ourselves.

Third thought:

You can not comfort a person that has miscarried by saying any of the below statements:

“You already have kids so focus on them, isn’t that a blessing in itself?” Why yes, having children is a blessing however that doesn’t negate the fact that I am sad about the loss of this child. (or at least this is what I think… but I don’t have children so I may be wrong)

“You’re young, I’m sure you’ll go onto having twins!” Am I young? Because until five minutes ago you’ve told me I’m getting old and need to get one down the hatch. Besides, I am terrified that when I do try again I will lose that pregnancy as well.

“Wasn’t that months ago, get over it.” I’m not entirely sure that you ever “get over it”. Having a miscarriage has taken away my first ever experience at motherhood. I will NEVER again walk on water like I did that first time I read my pregnancy results. If I do get pregnant, I will worry ever step of the way. I will count down the weeks hoping to make it past the 10 weeks and two days that I had gotten to before. After that I will continue to worry about if it’s time to tell people. I will worry during every little hiccup because the first pregnancy was “a by the books pregnancy” and then it failed.

“Give it a month and start trying again.” I’m pretty sure that you aren’t a doctor and if you are, you’re not my doctor. The body goes through a lot of stress just like after giving birth. Most doctors will tell a woman who has miscarried to wait at least 3 normal cycles. It took me 6 weeks to have my first period after miscarrying and who know if this next one will be in the standard 28 day cycle. If so, it will be almost December before we can start trying for a child again. Please stop assuming that pregnancy is that easy. Imagine your anxiety during the TTW (Two Week Wait) and multiple it by 17 weeks, that’s how long I have to wait to start trying, then image if it took a few months from there for it to “stick”. ITS NOT THAT EASY and its PRETTY FREAKEN SCARY.

Fourth Thought:

Here are some things that people have said to me that have helped:

“I’m sorry to hear this, I know you’ve wanted a family for awhile now and my heart breaks for you. You will certainly be in my prayers. Hugs” Thank You for comforting me, that goes a lot further than trying to say things to make me feel better.

“I know what you’re going through, this happened to me…” I found that I was able to relate and heal the most by hearing someone else’s story. It gives me HOPE when I hear that they’ve gone onto having healthy children.

“I can’t image what your going through but so and so had this happen to her, maybe you can reach out to her.” Again, connecting with people brought lots of healing to my heart. You are going to have to get out of that comfort zone and reach out but once you do you will feel much better.

Fifth Thought:

Some weeks are so much easier than others.

This last week I almost freaked on a student who made a snide comment about my not having kids yet. I had to take a deep breath and gather my thoughts and said, “How do you know if I don’t have kids by choice or not? I’m an adult that is married and you don’t know me well enough to make a comment like that.” She quickly stopped the insults and did her work the rest of the period.

That same day I had one of my pregnant seniors come in for our meeting. I pray for her a lot and wish her the best in life. It still took my breath away when I saw the tiny bump that was forming around her waist. She is also due in March… the same time I would’ve been.

I know that I am not quite healed all the way and that I absolutely have a fear of what the future will bring but I try and find strength in life’s possibilities. What I have learned is that talking about my miscarriage has helped. When {G} and I went back east for my brother’s wedding I worried about EVERYONE asking the haunting question. Instead at the end of our trip only one person asked and it was an old friend from college that we had bumped into. I have a feeling word got around the family about our miscarriage. I am happy it did. It was better that no one asked, poked, or prodded their way about our business. There were a lot less hurt feelings.

There are going to be days that I hurt seeing a baby announcement but it’s not because I’m not happy for you. I’ve actually held up VERY well around friends with babies. I see it as extra practice for all this down time I’m in at the moment. I know that I can no longer control what life gives me and so I will continue building my relationship with God and of course my amazing husband. I know deep in my heart I will someday be a mommy. I often struggle with whether it will be a baby I conceive or possibly one I may adopt but either way there is a plan…

God has one for us all.

 

Below are a few post about miscarriage that have helped me heal.

Hope After a Miscarriage 

My Miscarriage Experiences 

Why We Shouldn’t Have to Keep Pregnancy A Secret for the First Trimester

My Miscarriage – The Story I keep Telling

Espresso and Cr̬me РInfertility and Miscarriage

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